Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
