We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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