so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
