call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
