Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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