I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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