So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize