it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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