Your tits are I can't wait for
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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