i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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