I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My life is pants optional.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
