Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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