hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
