u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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