there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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