drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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