I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
