that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
