he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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