One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
