I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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