Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
