Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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