I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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