is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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