i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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