i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
