All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
