oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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