Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
