I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
