I think I died a long time ago.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
