I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
