i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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