Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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