Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
