And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
