is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
