I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
