I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize