gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
