Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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