nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
