I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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