I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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