you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
