Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
