and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
