quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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