no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
