I met the friendliest cop last night
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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