my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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