Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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