So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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