Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
