dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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