you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
