You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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