I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
