Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
there is puke in my bra ... again
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