oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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