She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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