Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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