I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
