if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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