Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
