Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
