You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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