i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
